Suddenly I see..

What an awful weekend of sports for me.

Cubs got drilled in game 3 to successfully complete the sweep. Iowa got brutalized by a mediocre Penn State team. Green Bay decided not to come out of the locker room for the second half. Texas lost to OU. Tony Romo throws 5(!!) picks and Dallas still manages to squeak a win out--and good God almighty, do I hate the Cowboys.

My only saving grace was that LSU knocked Florida off for their second (of three, GO NOLES!)loss this season.

Speaking of saving graces..

I've had plenty of women in my life. Some were intense, some were nothing but a soon-to-be regretted after thought.

Some I meant, with every bit of my heart. Some I might've lied to myself about how I felt. Some I might've lied to about how I felt.

Some were grown of chemicals. Some were set in the stars--just a matter of fate.

Regardless, I've cared very much for all of them, in one way or another. Those I loathe, I still can't help but wish the best for. And the same for those I still care for.

But there's only been one, who, outside of my own grand delusions of romance, that I objectively looked at and believe(d) I could spend the rest of my life with.

It's hard to put my finger on, to borrow a cliche.

It wasn't the way we kissed--we'd always bang each others noses together. It wasn't the feel of her fingertips..it surely wasn't that. She always had the coldest hands.

Crystal and I just fit together.

She was a firecracker that always got the most out of life and I adored her for that. We were a bit of an odd couple..I don't think anyone really saw it coming when we got together. The skinny, athletic, social, fun loving soccer player..and the chubby, chain smoking, hard drinking newspaper editor.

We had some very good times. Some not so good times--mostly as a result of our drinking terrible amounts of cheap vodka. We used to sit on the floor of her dorm room and drink beers and watch musicals(that's how much I liked this girl..I watched Victor F'n Victoria with her).

I don't really remember exactly why we broke up. I know we were both drunk. It was the end of the semester, I stormed out..she didn't follow(don't blame her). And she was gone shortly after, back to Shenanigan Falls.

We talked tonight, for the first time in a long, long time. At least our first talk, talk, in a long time.

It was pretty amazing. We've gone through a lot of the same things the last few years..though, I have to say, she's light years ahead of where I am. I'm really happy for her and it's just kinda amazing to see someone who's been through so much come through so strong.

But, at the same time, it kinda makes me sad. To know, that if maybe, just maybe, I hadn't been so stubborn..things maybe might've worked out.

I never could figure out quite what it was about her, while we were dating.

But now..now I get it. We loved life together, that much I know.. but, when we'd lay their on the floor, uncomfortable as all hell, with her head on my chest, I always felt so at ease..so content, so relaxed, with her in my arms.

And now, I realize, I knew how lucky I was, to have such an amazing, gorgeous, giving, bountiful heart..in my arms. I've dated plenty of women since that day I walked out of her dorm, but I've never really stopped missing her, or wondering how she's doing..

Now I know why.